What happens during therapy for Bulimia.

I am often asked to help clients with public speaking. In a typical case the client is asked to speak in front of a group, perhaps a larger group than they are used to, and they are a little anxious about it. In many cases they are excelling in their career, and as is often the cases with their progress comes the need to address or present to large groups of their peers.

I use hypnosis to reinforce the objectives we set out as part of your solution. These will include objectives such as:

1. Getting into a healthy physical exercise regime.

2. Regularising meals and removing hunger from the equation.

3. Creating emotional control measures - removing the anxiety from your life.

4. Adapting to a new approach to the way you use food.

Additionally we work together to derail the binge/purge cycle. There is also a good deal of counselling. This is important in the process as it helps desensitize some of the issues that are creating feelings of shame and awkwardness. These issues increase stress and anxiety.

From time to time I work with bulimic clients online. This includes using messenger for conselling. One European client I recently worked with agreed to allow her session to be posted here, so you can see some of the things that may be discussed in the session. It is reproduced here in the interests of giving you an idea how a session sometimes goes.

The name has been changed for protection of the clients privacy. Rebecca is fairly typical in that her behaviour is fluctuating, at the time of this session. It has improved but is not by any means resolved. It is focussed now around purging of carbs at dinner.

SESSION TRANSCRIPT:

vanbc1963: hi
Rebecca1: hi
Rebecca1: :)
Rebecca1: thanks for coming online
vanbc1963: So - how are you doing -
vanbc1963: it's no problem
Rebecca1: well
vanbc1963: great
Rebecca1: I have some bad and good days
Rebecca1: like today things r not going well
vanbc1963: well, it's good that you have some perspective on it
Rebecca1: but feel im gaining control
Rebecca1: and every time a have a bad day
Rebecca1: the next one
Rebecca1: is really good
Rebecca1: but have some emotional attacks
Rebecca1: sometimes I feel very nervous
vanbc1963: do you have any idea why?
Rebecca1: maybe
Rebecca1: because I stopped the antidepressants
Rebecca1: or just reduced the binge/ purge behavior
vanbc1963: when did you stop the antidepressants?
Rebecca1: when u first told me it could be a problem
vanbc1963: ok
vanbc1963: how long ago was that - remind me...
Rebecca1: I started taking half a dose
vanbc1963: good, you have to step down very carefully, and better to get your doctor on side with this.
Rebecca1: I started stepping down about 3 weeks ago
vanbc1963: ok
Rebecca1: and maybe 10 days ago
Rebecca1: I stopped them
vanbc1963: ok that's about what we should expect – but if you get any withdrawal symptoms get to your doctor immediately
vanbc1963: You would have some up and down days either way.
vanbc1963: but after about a week that will ease off - so you are almost out of that. Just be a little careful.
vanbc1963: Last couple of days how have things been?
Rebecca1: last 2 days
Rebecca1: bad
Rebecca1: had a few crisis of binge purge behavior
Rebecca1: but I think
Rebecca1: its due
Rebecca1: to the fact
Rebecca1: that I had a flue
Rebecca1: n those days I had some meds
Rebecca1: which upset my stomach
Rebecca1: and made me nervouse
vanbc1963: ok.
vanbc1963: many times cough medicines and sleep medicine
vanbc1963: contain some pharmacy that increases anxiety
vanbc1963: and for you that would undoubtedly result in an increase in binge behaviour
Rebecca1: oh, didnt know that
Rebecca1: yeah
Rebecca1: n my eye started trembling again
Rebecca1: as it has stopped a few months ago
Rebecca1: n is happening only when I’m very nervous
vanbc1963: that's a nervous response, right?
Rebecca1: yes
vanbc1963: ok. I don't like the sound of that eye.
Rebecca1: but the good part is
Rebecca1: that I feel that I came back to my real me
vanbc1963: the way to think of some of these things is as a barometer of your anxiety. Now you are back to the 'real you' you have to listen to that barometer
vanbc1963: and start to reduce your anxiety when you see it getting out of hand
Rebecca1: I dont know if it were the pills or the bulimia, but for a while something was suppresing it
vanbc1963: I think the pills were
Rebecca1: I am trying
Rebecca1: I took a little cat
Rebecca1: coz she is distracting me
Rebecca1: and have some things to do
Rebecca1: when I come home
Rebecca1: but sometimes its soo difficult
vanbc1963: Anti depressants solve nothing - they just remove your more extreme feelings. Some people need them, but not many.
vanbc1963: I know it's hard
vanbc1963: but lets just go back to basics for a moment
vanbc1963: You are eating three full meals a day, right?
Rebecca1: not exactly
vanbc1963: Rebecca...
Rebecca1: coz im eating breakfast
Rebecca1: then lunch
Rebecca1: and for the dinner usually I fail
Rebecca1: but I do not diet
vanbc1963: ok - we know that's the hardest time -
vanbc1963: but you are trying to stay in the 3 meals a day pattern
vanbc1963: that's good
vanbc1963: Now - you are struggling in the evenings when you are alone, right?
Rebecca1: no
vanbc1963: ...?
Rebecca1: im not alone then
Rebecca1: just
Rebecca1: im tired of the day
Rebecca1: feeling very nervous
Rebecca1: coz during many of the days
Rebecca1: I feel little nausea after the meals
Rebecca1: and its really hard sometimes to keep them down
vanbc1963: ok - have you tried eating a little less and having a snack at mid day and at mid afternoon?
Rebecca1: yeah, not eating a lot of food
Rebecca1: trying to eat little as grams
Rebecca1: and better as quality
vanbc1963: and going easy on the carbs at breakfast and lunch?
vanbc1963: Organic is really good...
Rebecca1: because, I used to binge anything which is a lot, salads, pastas
Rebecca1: yeah
Rebecca1: I keep to proteins
Rebecca1: but after the main course at lunch
vanbc1963: Right, the high protein low volume foods are likely to help.
Rebecca1: I always have a little chocolate
vanbc1963: a little is fine
vanbc1963: moderation.
vanbc1963: Ok - so the basics sound ok....
Rebecca1: I almost never binge on chocolate
vanbc1963: Let’s think about exercise.
Rebecca1: except for the bad days
Rebecca1: :(
vanbc1963: What are you doing for exercise?
Rebecca1: I do yoga 2 days a week
vanbc1963: Very good.
vanbc1963: Now, that's something you started when I suggested it - isn't it?
Rebecca1: yeah
vanbc1963: good
Rebecca1: I used to go before
Rebecca1: but u reminded me
vanbc1963: and things started to get a little better
Rebecca1: n it was such a great idea
Rebecca1: thank you
Rebecca1: yeah little by little
vanbc1963: You are doing a lot of things right, Rebecca
vanbc1963: We just have to figure out where the problem is coming from
vanbc1963: but we are getting there
vanbc1963: So...
vanbc1963: We want to maintain the diet and the exercise
vanbc1963: Now let’s look at the stress points in your life.
Rebecca1: Is it true that usually via bulimia a person is tryin to supress a specific problem?
vanbc1963: If you were to name the three most stressful aspects of your life, what would they be?
Rebecca1: let me think
Rebecca1: career- as for studying and work
Rebecca1: friends- because most of them are away
Rebecca1: and my relationship
vanbc1963: ok
vanbc1963: That's good that you are thinking about these things and recognizing them as likely stress points - so already you are moving toward a solution. Actually the ones you mention are what most people find the most stressful. Sometimes you can throw in parents and the home situation - but your situation is a little different.
vanbc1963: Let’s first think about your career. You are currently studying a lot, I think.
Rebecca1: Actually
Rebecca1: I have decided to have an year break from uni
Rebecca1: as I finished my bachelor
Rebecca1: I have to write my diploma
vanbc1963: ok - what is your Diploma about?
Rebecca1: and next year masters in UK
Rebecca1: Eduard Mane
vanbc1963: Right - you mentioned.
Rebecca1: and I’m also starting a new job
Rebecca1: in Advertinig
vanbc1963: Before we get onto the job - I just want to talk about the diploma for a second.
Rebecca1: the thing I am going to study in UK
Rebecca1: ok
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: Essentially you have to write a paper - quite extensive right?
vanbc1963: And you are finding it hard to motivate yourself into this.
Rebecca1: it should be similar to a book
vanbc1963: Yes - how many words approx.
Rebecca1: yes
Rebecca1: it’s always hard to start for me
Rebecca1: I know I will write it quick n good as always
Rebecca1: but don’t know
Rebecca1: something is stopping me
vanbc1963: Yes - how many words approx.
Rebecca1: it should be about 60 pages
vanbc1963: So about 12,000 words?
Rebecca1: I guess
vanbc1963: OK
vanbc1963: I hope you are keeping notes on this conversation, by the way...
Rebecca1: yes
vanbc1963: I want you to listen to something. About ten years ago I was starving and a new immigrant to Canada
vanbc1963: I was really worried about my family
Rebecca1: I always write the most important things
vanbc1963: and I had no idea how we were going to manage.
vanbc1963: I had a job but it didn't pay very well, and didn't seem to be able to find anything.
vanbc1963: Actually in retrospect I was like most immigrants - you go through a lot of emotional change when you start a new life.
Rebecca1: yes, I know I have many friends
vanbc1963: Anyway, I decided I had to get some money - and that a really good way to do this would be to write a best seller.
Rebecca1: and it is much harder when u have family to look after
vanbc1963: So I set out to write a novel.
vanbc1963: It had to be 50,000 words.
vanbc1963: So, it was simple. Just write 2,000 words a day for a month, edit it and then get ready to spend the millions I would earn.
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: So each day at 6 AM I would write for an hour and a half. The book wasn't going to write itself. That way from 7.30 AM onwards I could be thinking what colour Ferrari I would be driving, and where I woul dspend my next holiday.
vanbc1963: I did actually do this.
Rebecca1: ahahha
vanbc1963: For a month - it's not so long - I got up and pounded out 2000 a day.
Rebecca1: nice motivation
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: 2000 is  a lot, but I have worked as a journalist and I know how to write fast.
vanbc1963: Many authors do about 1000 a day, but I figured I was twice as motivated.
vanbc1963: And I very soon forgot how worried I was.
vanbc1963: Instead I produced probably the worst best seller in history - called "Bad Press" - available at all major booksellers....
Rebecca1: haha
vanbc1963: Now, I don't actually drive a Ferrari. I drive a Saturn
Rebecca1: the worst....and best seller is sounding good
Rebecca1: ;)
vanbc1963: And I like my little Saturn
Rebecca1: ofcourse
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: It uses hardly any fuel, and when a friends Aston Martin DB9 broke down recently, I gave her a ride home.
vanbc1963: So, my little Saturn does very nicely.
vanbc1963: So, what is the moral of the story...
vanbc1963: well, it's this.
Rebecca1: I dont have a problem with the writing
Rebecca1: actually the last time I escaped bulimia 8 years ago
Rebecca1: the writing really helped me
Rebecca1: I used to write poems
vanbc1963: Bad Press was perfect for me. Because after a month I really didn't worry at all about not having enough money.  I had complete perspective on my situation and had barely worried about it in a full month. And pretty soon, I realized the job actually wasn't that bad - it was my fear of not being able to look after my wife and kids. And things were actually fine.
vanbc1963: Well, that's important
vanbc1963: You need to let your mind go where it needs to go.
Rebecca1: but may I ask
vanbc1963: Preferably not into the pages of Bad Press
Rebecca1: how did u start the first day of writing it
Rebecca1: ?
vanbc1963: Well, that's where technique really helps.
vanbc1963: I worked in the British press, where you HAVE to deliver. You can't afford to be blocked.
vanbc1963: So you develop a technique to write
vanbc1963: This is what you do.
vanbc1963: 1. Set up your basic format - whether it's 200 words or 200,000. You will need an introduction, some background, the main body, some conclusions.
Rebecca1: I will try and have a similar motivation as u had
vanbc1963: At this point you don't worry about 'writing it' - you are perhaps just jotting some basic ideas down but not really writing anything much.
vanbc1963: 2. You start thinking about some of the 'moments' you want to portray.
vanbc1963: So - for example - in a novel it's always nice to think of a particular scene such as a dramatic discovery... So you start to jot down that scene. Maybe write a few lines of dialogue.
vanbc1963: 3. You start to think of the real style of writing. If it's formal or informal - and how would that impact some of those fun scenes you thought about (in 2 above).
vanbc1963: 4. Try writing one of those scenes - just to see the flavour of the thing.
Rebecca1: I will
vanbc1963: 5. When you are satisfied write another, to see if the style can be maintained.
Rebecca1: nad may I ask you
Rebecca1: another thing
Rebecca1: which is out of the topic
Rebecca1: but I worring me
vanbc1963: 6. If you have got a couple of those fun scenes working then some following through with a few more might be good.
Rebecca1: during the recovery?
vanbc1963: 7. NOw you have some elements of the work you start to join them together - and suddenly you have most of your book.
vanbc1963: Ok - so you casn apply that to your situation.
vanbc1963: There will be some specific ideas you want to convey.
vanbc1963: After you have the basic layout think about some of those.
Rebecca1: sounds like a very good plan
vanbc1963: write a couple
vanbc1963: and then start joining them up
vanbc1963: This is not particularly linear but the editing will sort that out
vanbc1963: You'll have plenty of time to smooth it
Rebecca1: thats what my professor of art history said
vanbc1963: because the secret of good writing is not writing at all - it's editing.
vanbc1963: So think about your subject - take some cameo moments - and start to write them.
vanbc1963: before you know it you are on the way.
vanbc1963: Now - what was worrying you?
Rebecca1: thanks
Rebecca1: it really sounds interesting now
Rebecca1: well
Rebecca1: since I started the recovery
Rebecca1: which when I wrote to u
Rebecca1: about almost 2 months ago
Rebecca1: I have gained
Rebecca1: about 11 kilos which is about 20 pounds
Rebecca1: is this normal
vanbc1963: That's a little high
Rebecca1: and should I do something about it
Rebecca1: and I know I haven’t eaten a lot of calories
vanbc1963: you needed to put on just a little weight - about 5 kilos.
vanbc1963: However, and this really is important, you are not going to manage your weight using bulimia.
vanbc1963: You are going to step up your exercise.
vanbc1963: I suspect you are still hungry at times, which is triggering some of the bingeing.
Rebecca1: true
vanbc1963: To cope with this I think the best way is to go to 5 meals - 3 and two snacks really - but smaller.
vanbc1963: And step up the exercise.
Rebecca1: actually I eat only when I am hungry
Rebecca1: beacuse
vanbc1963: BIG MISTAKE!! That way your calorie count will stay the same or reduce, but your calorie burn will go up a little.
Rebecca1: if I eat when im not I will purge
vanbc1963: Eating when you are hungry will usually edge you towards bingeing
vanbc1963: You need to be really disciplined on ‘eating before hunger is a factor'
vanbc1963: this may be where the problem is, Rebecca.
vanbc1963: That discipline is hard, especially for students.
vanbc1963: But you are going to have to develop it.
Rebecca1: I will try
vanbc1963: When you eat because you are hungry you have already spent the energy.
vanbc1963: Think of it like this:
vanbc1963: You eat when you are hungry and your energy level is already depleted.
vanbc1963: If you eat regular meals, and prevent yourself getting hungry, your energy levels don't run down
vanbc1963: The result of this
vanbc1963: is very different to doing so when you are hungry. As follows:
vanbc1963: 1. You don't feel the emotional exhaustion (which triggers emotionally bad feelings).
vanbc1963: 2. Your anxiety will not be raised from instinctive responses to 'look for food'.
vanbc1963: 3. Your general health and immunity will be better - resulting in less peripheral illnesses like colds.
Rebecca1: so
Rebecca1: should I eat every 3 or 4 hours?
vanbc1963: and finally 4. We know that bulimia acts like an addiction, and that addicts always struggle with withdrawals more if they are hungry.
vanbc1963: Absolutely - but in moderation.
vanbc1963: That's why I like to suggest that mid morning protein smoothy - it's a great appetite suppressor.
Rebecca1: I always try to eat in moderation during
Rebecca1: because
Rebecca1: I had feeling full
Rebecca1: but, I guess just my metabolism is slowed down
vanbc1963: Try it.
vanbc1963: If it doesn’t work better, then we'll try something else, but I think you'll find you feel physically and emotionally better.
Rebecca1: I will try
vanbc1963: You know the most important meal is breakfast - there's a reason lions hunt in the morning!
Rebecca1: yes, always feel better
Rebecca1: when I have a nice breakfast
vanbc1963: Well, you are a predator. It feels better to act like one. :)
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: OK
vanbc1963: so diet is important here.
vanbc1963: I think it's also now really important that you get this diploma moving.
Rebecca1: Thank you for all those valiueable advices
vanbc1963: We are not done yet.
vanbc1963: I want you to email me your basic outline for the diploma by wednesday.
vanbc1963: doesn't have to be a work of art - just basics.
vanbc1963: take 20 minutes to sketch it out.
Rebecca1: I will try
vanbc1963: No - you will do it. There is no 'try'.
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: Now - what about stresser #2 - friends. Where are all your friends?
Rebecca1: abroad or in other cities
Rebecca1: they were gone
Rebecca1: like an year ago
Rebecca1: or 2
vanbc1963: If you are not studying every day is there any way you can go and visit them? It's time, right?
Rebecca1: yeah
vanbc1963: So what is stopping you?
Rebecca1: most of them are inviting me
Rebecca1: I dont really know
Rebecca1: as I always have people around me
Rebecca1: im extrovert
Rebecca1: but they r just not at my level
Rebecca1: somehow
vanbc1963: explain a little...
Rebecca1: before we used to be  abig company and most of us were doctors' kids
Rebecca1: smarts n still crazy
Rebecca1: while now
Rebecca1: my colleagues
Rebecca1: and people around me
Rebecca1: when im having a  conversation with them
Rebecca1: it’s like
Rebecca1: the information and everything is coming
Rebecca1: just from one of the sides
Rebecca1: its just different
Rebecca1: when you are with people from your kind
vanbc1963: explain what you mean by 'one of the sides' - they are the ones giving the information?
Rebecca1: no
Rebecca1: its more like me
Rebecca1: its like me is the entertainer
Rebecca1: and this is exhausting emotionally
vanbc1963: ok
vanbc1963: I see what you mean
vanbc1963: let me think about that a moment.
vanbc1963: While I do - tell me which of your friends lives somewhere you'd like to visit - the place not the person....
Rebecca1: hm
Rebecca1: one of them is in Italy
Rebecca1: and the other in las vegas
vanbc1963: Italy is fun - though the men will eat you alive.
vanbc1963: LA is cool but very superficial.
vanbc1963: is it cheap to get to LA from where you are - I would imagine Italy is more practical.
Rebecca1: ahaha
Rebecca1: I actually think I would rather go
Rebecca1: to my friend in Milano
Rebecca1: coz she is a very smart one
Rebecca1: and we are always having nice time together
vanbc1963: LA has some 12 million people, however only 100,000 actually have a personality - and they are the visiting British screenwriters all trying to make a living.
vanbc1963: Well, it sounds to me like it's time to go to Milano
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: You know your bulimia will reduce the moment you travel, right?
Rebecca1: I hope so
vanbc1963: It definitely will - I can guarantee it.
vanbc1963: Have you been on Bulimiagirls.com?
Rebecca1: yes
Rebecca1: of coure
Rebecca1: a great site
vanbc1963: I really want you to go on there and post your stroy.
vanbc1963: OK - so going to Milan. In practical terms when can you do it?
Rebecca1: but I guess
vanbc1963: What about putting some of your poetry up that helped you last time?
Rebecca1: it will be helpful to write in that site as well
Rebecca1: thats not a problem
Rebecca1: but my poetry is a little dark
Rebecca1: like it is the things I realized during the recovery
Rebecca1: but its anything but fun
vanbc1963: Dark is fine - and bulimiagirls.com is a good place for that
vanbc1963: you see, others on that site feel the same.
vanbc1963: they need to know they are not alone/.
Rebecca1: yes, I understand that
Rebecca1: ok
Rebecca1: I will
vanbc1963: OK - so going to Milan. in practical terms when can you do it?
Rebecca1: well, basicly-yes
Rebecca1: but I have started this job
vanbc1963: Is it a good job?
Rebecca1: well it a advertising job is a news paper
Rebecca1: since I want to work in advertising
Rebecca1: and study it as masters
Rebecca1: it is good for me
vanbc1963: Can you tell them your grandmother died and go for a Friday - Monday trip?
Rebecca1: ahhaha
vanbc1963: I'm dead serious
Rebecca1: actually I ve been working as advertising
Rebecca1: and the truth is
vanbc1963: You friendship and your health are both more important that ad sales.
Rebecca1: that u can say anything
vanbc1963: exactly
Rebecca1: if u work is good and is giving them money
vanbc1963: truth is good - but actually for you now - anything that works is better.
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: It's actually quite important
vanbc1963: also I know you well enough to know that you don't want to just work in newspaper advertising all your life. This is kinda ok - but really you'd rather be in the more creative aspect of advertising.
Rebecca1: yes
Rebecca1: it is just a step
vanbc1963: Let me tell you a little more about my story - I think you'll find it interesting.
vanbc1963: It also has a purpose for us today...
Rebecca1: great
vanbc1963: So Bad Press gets published - my 'best seller'. It served it's purpose.
vanbc1963: It's purpose was really to get my mind off my fears, though I didn't really realize that at the time.
Rebecca1: I’m not sure it was bad, but anyway
vanbc1963: I wrote it while I was working at an advertising agency here in Vancouver, with some really nice people. It was actually really not a bad job.
vanbc1963: And the truth is a lot of it got written on their time...
vanbc1963: I was the only one who knew anything about what I actually did there - doing behavioral data analysis and predictive modeling - so no one paid me much attention. Believe me, when you write 2000 words a day on your novel, hacking out a quick report for the agency takes 20 minutes, not the full two days allocated...
Rebecca1: yeah, I know that
Rebecca1: actually I can give up this job anytime
Rebecca1: just I wanted to do something every day
Rebecca1: but another option
Rebecca1: is workin in a holiday place
vanbc1963: So - Bad Press sold very lightly and god knows what people reading it made of me. The psychoanalysis of the author would be pretty scary - but I don't really mind.
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: Well the advertising job - if they can be flexible with you - may be convenient - and it is VERY good to keep occupied.
vanbc1963: Anyway, after that I set up my own operation and Vancouver Hypnotherapy is now thriving.
vanbc1963: But the point is that the job, the book - all that stuff - was what I needed at the time.
Rebecca1: yeah, I understand
Rebecca1: to feel that u r available and things could go
vanbc1963: So - you have to go with what feels right for you and not resist it
Rebecca1: well
vanbc1963: and going to Milan for a week might be a really good idea
Rebecca1: I am trying it'
vanbc1963: try asking if they'll just give you a week off.
vanbc1963: You can afford it?
Rebecca1: actually I ve just signed a contract
Rebecca1: so I guess I have to wait for some time
Rebecca1: but even if I don’t
Rebecca1: during the holidays
Rebecca1: in the winter
Rebecca1: the plan
Rebecca1: is to go to Zanzibar in Africa
Rebecca1: one of the best beaches
Rebecca1: with my family
Rebecca1: so I will have the travelling
Rebecca1: :)
vanbc1963: Zanzibar is awesome - I used to live nearby in Kenya.
vanbc1963: Are you sure it's a good idea to wait?
Rebecca1: hmm
Rebecca1: actually
Rebecca1: now I’m not sure
Rebecca1: what is best for me
Rebecca1: that’s why
vanbc1963: Even if you just do a Friday - Monday night break - its good.
Rebecca1: I spend some time
Rebecca1: to think about it
vanbc1963: Don't think to much
vanbc1963: (that's when you get into trouble...)
Rebecca1: and I do realize my health is the most important thing now
Rebecca1: ahah
Rebecca1: yes
Rebecca1: actually
Rebecca1: for now
Rebecca1: I think the things I have changed
Rebecca1: r really helping
Rebecca1: the cat ,the yoga and everything
vanbc1963: That's good
vanbc1963: We are not quite done though.
vanbc1963: The relationship...
vanbc1963: ????
Rebecca1: hmm
Rebecca1: that a complex thing
Rebecca1: but as I have gone back to my real me
Rebecca1: im not afraid to be alone anymore
Rebecca1: coz I actually had some time alone
Rebecca1: and it was great
Rebecca1: I just put everything on the table
Rebecca1: and now
Rebecca1: im just watching the situation
Rebecca1: n if I don’t feel good
Rebecca1: I know what to do
Rebecca1: and I’m not afraid anymore
Rebecca1: from a break up
vanbc1963: That sounds good.
Rebecca1: coz I ve realized that could be a  good thing sometimes
vanbc1963: That's right
vanbc1963: It's actually not complicated at all. IF you feel validated and good - then it's a good and valid relationship.  If you don't, show him the door.
vanbc1963: My ex girlfriends then usually set fire to any of my clothes I left at their place etc.... but you get the idea.
Rebecca1: I actually literally showed him the door twice
Rebecca1: this month
Rebecca1: ahah
vanbc1963: The more you take control of the situation the more it will work well for you
Rebecca1: fire...
Rebecca1: wow
vanbc1963: Just never get involved with a girl from Quebec...
Rebecca1: ahahha
vanbc1963: Anyway - it sounds like you are moving in the right direction fairly smoothly.
vanbc1963: The ups and downs recently I think I anti depressant related – be careful with that.
Rebecca1: but it is an experience
vanbc1963: But you do need to deal with the food discipline and not allow yourself to get hungry
Rebecca1: one of the best advices I ever had was to stop them
vanbc1963: And then remove some stress and I think a get away to Milan is the answer there.
vanbc1963: I really do
vanbc1963: Even if it's brief
vanbc1963: Just watch out for those Italians,
Rebecca1: ahaha
Rebecca1: yeah
Rebecca1: I know some
Rebecca1: but I can be really rude when I have to
Rebecca1: so I know how to deal with them
vanbc1963: They're generally wonderful, but very easy to make fun of.
Rebecca1: them*
Rebecca1: ahahha
Rebecca1: very true
vanbc1963: And when you are English, we need easy targets!
vanbc1963: Now, I expect to see that outline by wednesday
vanbc1963: one more thing
Rebecca1: yes
vanbc1963: I am serious about the outline – let’s try and talk before the end of the week - I want to see how 'removing hunger' plays out for you
vanbc1963: I would also
vanbc1963: Now - enjoy your evening
Rebecca1: u have a great day
vanbc1963: see you soon
Rebecca1: n thanks for the help
Rebecca1: bye